Therefore and Forevermore

Is this sad or?

kaleidoscope-x-heart:

Have you ever had that one girl or guy in your circle of friends that you absolutely cannot stand? And everyone else idolizes them and thinks they’re so funny and amazing but, no matter how hard you try, you honestly can’t see why? 
 

This is a note one of my tumblr friends posted:

(ijustwanttobemeandnotbejudged.tumblr.com)

“This is my suicide note, I don’t know how long or short this will be but here it goes. I am on my way to death. I am finally happy right now at this very moment for the first time in my life. I am really sorry to everyone that i was not strong enough to hold on anymore and keep fighting, the thoughts and voices in my head have won this battle against me. Depression won. Everything in my life is wrong. There are no happy times for me, I cry myself to sleep every night. Even though I don’t believe in god, i still pray every night that i won’t wake up and every day for 21 years i have been waking up and living in this hell hole called my life and now it is finally coming to an end. Bullying had a lot to do with this, i was always called fat, ugly, stupid, a hoe, slut, a mistake, worthless, so much more i could go on forever. I’m not beautiful or pretty or anything. I hate myself. I hate everything about me. The only way out for me is suicide, I won’t do treatment because it will never work, I gave up on myself so long ago. There is no hope for me anymore. Suicide has been on my mind since i was 6 or 7. and i am 21 now turning 22 Friday. I won’t even make it to my 22nd birthday and i really am okay with that. I can feel my body getting weaker right now as i type this for my followers that did everything they could to help me and try and be there for me. I keep relapsing over and over, which makes me hate myself even more. This is not for “attention” this is real. So this is it for me. I love you guys so much I really do. My family will be better off without me because now they don’t have to keep thinking I’m the “depressed one” or “the one who dropped out and won’t do nothing good with her life.” it is just time for me to go and finally be pain free and smile a real smile for once as I’m dying tonight. Don’t follow me please, you all are stronger then me, I just can’t do this anymore. I know you can. I love you all so much. please re blog this so all my followers get this..or you don’t have to that’s okay to. You guys will be better off without me. Goodbye.~”

She hasn’t posted anymore, so I can only assume she went through with it…

I cannot tell you how terrible I feel that I couldn’t stop her. I can’t tell you how much I wish she’d stayed.. I didn’t know her in person, but she deserved to live.

She had talked about suicide before, and I talked to her. I wanted her to know that there was a reason to hang on.

I don’t think she read my last message to her, but I told her that I was sorry I couldn’t stop her, and anything I could do to help, I would. One of the last things I told her was that I promised to spend more of my life trying to stop what happened to her, happen to anyone else.

For those who bully, and those who are condescending all i can say is look what you’ve done… Are you happy? Do you see what happens? Do you see how people take your words? They hurt.. They destroy.

She’s never going to meet the love of her life. She’s never going to have a husband. She’s never going to have a family of her own. Her life ended too soon because of bullies, it says it right there in the note.

As for those who don’t bully go one step further. I urge you to be there for the person who is struggling with cutting, suicide thoughts, etc. You’re words can be the difference between life and death for that person. Don’t be afraid to be associated with them. Especially if you’re a Christian like me. Because you’re going to be judged for your beliefs anyways, might as well help someone in the process.

I don’t believe this girl was a Christian, so It pains me to know where she’s probably ending up. I’m here just praying that she fell asleep, that maybe she’s still alive and just stopped answering. Because I want more time. More time to tell her she’s valuable. That she has so much to look forward to if she would just hold on.

And even if she did commit suicide… Even if her physical body has died, I refuse to let the memory of her die.The person she was. The person she could have been.. I refuse to let her be forgotten. Because she was a human being.

And even though I don’t have so much as a name to connect with her, I know she will be missed. She will be missed me and I’m sure many of her tumblr followers.

As for the people who are struggling with suicide and cutting, hold on. Please, hold on. You matter to people. You have a story, and it’s worth holding on to…

brok3n-and-alone asked: Your stories are really good!!!!!

Hehe well thank you! I really appreciate that compliment :) so thank you

Anonymous asked: Haha. Yes I Do.. You will never know who I am!!!!! Mwuahah!!!! I might not reblog it but I read EVERYTHING!!!!

Well that’s good to hear:) I like to know that people read my stuff! :) and it’s ok! I don’t need to know who you are to feel complimented!:)

Anonymous asked: Yeah, I kinda know you :) You would know who I was if you saw me, but I'm following you under a fake name with no pictures so I can message you and reblog from you without you knowing it's me :)

Haha alright. Wait are you following me with your fake account? Cause I haven’t really had a lot of reblogs from the people following me.. And the one that does is a guy who I’m positive is straight, so you can’t be him haha